I was nearly knocked over by this man while getting off one of the four trains I take to work every morning. Feeling that it wasn't necessary, and in an anger flash that bypassed reasonable thinking, I reached out my fist, placed it against the very top left corner of his chest (his shoulder really), and pushed with a "Hey you!" intent. It wasn't a punch, and it wasn't a strong push. Certainly it's a good thing I didn't go stark-raving-mad and actually punch him, which would be considered assault. What's bad though, is that if he decides to lie and say that I punched him, and he gets someone to say that I used my fist, he could make a lot of trouble for me.
I was depressed all day about this, thinking that I can't let myself lose control of absolute reason when in a situation like that. I mentioned it to a guy at work and he said "I would think you'd be used to that sort of thing by now".
Yeah... you might think so, but generally that's not how it works. The more bad experiences you have, the more hypersensitive you become to them. Twenty, ten, or five years ago, I would never have done that. But the unpleasant things that have happened to me over the past 24 years of being out on the public transportation system have built up to the point where I think I'm either going to have to arrange to come in earlier to work (to get myself into a lower pressure commuting time zone), or else move within walking distance of the company.
Tomorrow morning... I probably should get on a completely different part of the train. An obvious solution? It's not that simple. Losing around thirty seconds at the disembarkation transfer point of that train could make me miss the next express, and then end up being fifteen minutes late for work. I need to be near the exit.
Something needs to change. Punching people is no answer. But then neither is laying down and being trampled on. How to remain civil and still retain a tiny bit of dignity and self esteem.....
Lyle (Hiroshi) Saxon